Humorous stories from Philippine General Hospital

Hello guys,

This is unrelated to deaf experiences. But I just have to share this with you especially to my Filipino readers out there.  This one is just forwarded to me and I really had a great laugh. To my American readers, I’m sure you won’t understand the Tagalog part but I’m pretty sure you will laugh on the English ones. Have a great Sunday! :-)

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT’S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. The patient refused autopsy.

8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

9. She is numb from her toes down.

10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

11. The skin was moist and dry.

12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

********
Sa PGH, may tinatawag na Central Block. Nandoon ang Radiology Department kung saan ginagawa ang mga X-rays, Ultrasound, CT Scan at Radiotherapy. Dito ko naobserbahan ang evolution ng mga pinoy medical
terms. May mga pasyente o bantay na aking nasasalubong, ang madalas magtanong ng direksyon. Mga Versions ng CT Scan:

1. “Dok saan po ba ang Siete Scan?”
2. “Doc saan po ba magpapa-CT Skull”
3. “Doc saan po ba CT Scalp”
4. “Doc saan po ang CT Scam?”

**********

Madalas akong mapagtanungan ng direction papunta sa Cobalt Room. “Doc saan po ba ang Cobal” Yes, laging walang T. Marami ang gumagamit sa term na Cobal. Saan napunta ang “T”. Marami din kasing nagtatanong,
“Doc, saan po ba ang papuntang X-Tray?”
Conclusion: Ang “T” ng Cobalt, ay napunta sa X-Tray.

*********

7:00 am. Nagbigay ang kasamahan kong doktor ng Instruction sa bantay ng pasyente, “Mister, punta po kayo sa Central Block at magpa-schedule kayo ng X-ray ng pasyente ninyo.” 3:00 pm. Kadarating lang ng bantay.
Nagalit na ang Doktor, “Mister, bakit namang napakatagal ninyong bumalik? Pina-schedule ko lang naman ang X-ray ah.” Sumagot ang bantay, “Eh kasi po Doc, ang tagal kong naghintay sa gate, hanggang
sabihin ng guwardiya na sarado daw po ang Central Bank kasi Sabado ngayon.” (Nasa Roxas Blvd ang Bangko Sentral ng Pilipinas, at sarado nga naman yon kapag Sabado)!

***********

Nang mag-rotate ako as intern sa Pediatrics ng PGH, mahal na mahal talaga ng mga nanay ang kanilang mga anak na may sakit. Pilit nilang tinatandaan ang mga gamot at tawag sa sakit ng kanilang anak.
Doktor: “Mrs. ano po ang mga gamot na iniinom ng anak niyo?”
Mrs 1 : “Doc phenobarbiedoll po.”
Doktor: “Ah baka po phenobarbital. ” (Gamot sa convulsion ang phenobarbital)

**********

Doktor: “Mrs. ano po ba ang antibiotic na iniinom ng anak ninyo?”
Mrs 2: “Doc metromanilazole po.”
Doktor: “Ah baka po metronidazole. ” (Gamot sa amoeba ang metronidazole)

*************

Ang tawag sa recovery room ng PGH ay PACU (Post-Anesthesia Care Unit)

Doktor: “Mrs., tapos na po ang operasyong ng anak ninyo, punta na Po kayo sa PACU.
Mrs 3: “Eh Doc, saan po sa Paco? Sa may simbahan po ba o sa may palengke?

***********

Doktor: “Mrs. ano po ba ang sinabi ng dating doktor kung ano daw ang sakit ng inyong anak?”
Mrs 4: “Eh Doc sabi po niya Tragedy of Fallot.
Doktor: “Ah baka po Tetralogy of Fallot (Isang Congenital Heart Disease ang Tetralogy of Fallot)

************

Biglang nagtatarang ang isang nanay at sumigaw.
Mrs: “Scissors! Scissors! Nag-sciscissors ang anak ko, Doc!”
Doktor: “Nurse, diazepam please, nag-seizure ang pasyente!”

*************

Doktor: “Mrs. ano daw po ba ang sakit ng anak ninyo?”
Mrs. 6 : May ketong daw po.
In-examine ng doktor ang balat ng pasyente. Wala siyang makitang senyales ng ketong. Tumawag pa siya ng isang Dermatologist para mag-examine nang husto. Wala talaga.
Doktor: “Mrs. sigurado po ba kayong ketong ang Sakit ng bata?”
Mrs : “Eh iyon po ang sabi ng doktor niya dati. Mataas daw po ang ketong sa ihi dahil may diabetes.”
Doktor: “Ah ketone po yon! (Ang positive ketone sa Ihi ay senyales ng kumplikasyon ng diabetes.)

**************

Doktor: (Sa buntis na mrs. na nagle-labor) “Mrs. pumutok na po ba ang panubigan mo?”
Mrs:”Eh Doc, wala naman po akong narinig na pagsabog.” (Hanep!)

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  1. Jacq Tagle

    do you actually know who originally wrote these humorous stories you posted? :) I know him. He is now a Professor, a very good internist. lol!




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