On Deaf and Relationships
Two days ago I received a greenish glittering letter from a former deaf student inviting me to attend his Catholic Church wedding celebration. Of course, I would also assume that he did not invite me just as a mere spectator. He, together with his mom, went to our school and hand carried the letter requesting me to interpret in his wedding this February. I was out of the office that day. But I already knew his purpose because he is my FB friend and he already contacted me there.
I got excited when I received the invitation. The last time I interpreted in a deaf wedding was a couple of years ago. It was a civil one and held in the office of a police official/lawyer in Manila City Hall. Again, aside from interpreting, I also stood as one of the couple’s witness (Filipino culture’s Ninong sa kasal). Today they celebrated their son’s first birthday and again invited us in his baptism. But I begged off in attending because I already have prior commitment on that day.
Weddings are truly a wonderful event. It symbolizes sanctity and strength in a relationship. But does it actually seal the relationship? Does it help in keeping the bond between husbands and wives stick and last “till death do them part”? Now, what about deaf relationships? Does it hold true for them?
A week ago, I saw a Facebook post of an extremely happy deaf mother of a newborn hearing baby boy. She was very proud of her baby that she even posted hospital videos with the father. She was my student many years ago.
Her family was super strict that they don’t want her to end up with that deaf guy (who was her classmate) whom they believe has no future. So they never consented to their relationship. But were they able to prevent them from continuing their affair? Hugely! She remained unmarried.
Last Saturday, I attended a widely announced Deaf Expo in SM Mall of Asia. Even though I had to do tons of work on that day, I bought an expensive ticket and attended the event. One of my reason is to see the latest developments in technologies for the deaf. But frustratingly, there wasn’t any that was exhibited. But as a consolation, I was able to meet long time deaf students from as far back as few years from where MCCID started, in 1993!
I made a few chit-chats here and there, the deaf culture way. But what surprised me was that majority of my male deaf students were already separated from their deaf wives! Most of them had church weddings. I attended and even interpreted for a couple of them. Most of these men have stable jobs. Why then were their relationships did not end with the “happily ever after” way? I also thought that having a deaf-deaf relationship would be very successful because there won’t be any communication problem. And does religion have to do with it? These situations among deaf couples are truly alarming.
I politely asked them what happened. One guy said his wife wants to go abroad so she was secretly making contact with a deaf foreigner. She is now in another country with him. The other guy said her wife doesn’t love him anymore so she left. But she also left their child under his care.
Two weeks ago, one of my earliest deaf students visited the school asking for authentication of her credentials. She was one of those whom I’ve helped getting a job in the highest office of the country. She is very close to me. I asked her how she is. She said everything’s fine. I then asked how his deaf husband is, she also said fine but with reservations. I did not inquire more. Later on, I found out that she confided with his former teacher where she revealed that they are already separated. Sheezz!
What went wrong? What formula works and what doesn’t?
One of my favorite deaf student whom I really admire for his wit and humor celebrated his simple birthday this week. He’s already in his early 30s but still unmarried. I jokingly asked why he is still unhooked. He replied, he’s already too old, his true love is already married to his deaf childhood friend and he enjoys being single. True enough, I have witnessed many of my deaf students remained single and they enjoy life. All of them are heterosexuals and some even sired children from other deaf girls. But is this the right path?
I have one deaf student who is inviting me to attend the first birthday of his son next week. He completely loves and supports his child. But not his child’s mother. So they remained unmarried.
Relationships are very hard to understand even for the deaf’s perspective. Were they properly informed about the consequences of their actions? I think so especially now with the rapid advancement of social media. Were they greatly influenced by others? I am inclined to believe so. Is there a moral deterioration going on among the Filipino deaf? I hope not.
Today is Valentine’s Day. This is the day where red roses and chocolates are bestsellers and “love is in the air”. Yet this is one of the most overrated celebrations we have. Can we have Valentine’s daily instead of just every February 14?
I may never fully understand the deaf’s psyche. But I always remind them to seek God’s guidance and always choose to be happy no matter what. 🙂